Why is it than when I hurt I so often look to myself for the answers? I send that question out, but I know the answer. I know that I look to myself because I am a sinner. And I so wish I wasn't. Do you ever feel like the "chief of sinners" that Paul talks about? I do. I am lazy, I make up excuses not to do things (or to do things), I neglect Scripture, I look to the world for wisdom instead of the Word, I get angry at my husband and children, I am jealous, I am prideful ... All the things the Lord says He hates, I am.
I explained yesterday that my husband is leaving for a few months. It's so easy for me to say on the outside that we'll be ok. It's easy for me to tell others that we don't need help, even though we do. Honestly, I know it's because pride is so deeply ingrained in me, that I want to put up a good front. I want people to think that I have it all together, when I don't. I'm falling apart on the inside. It eats me up that my husband is leaving.
But I also know that I don't have to do it on my own. I certainly want too, but I don't have too. It's so hard for me to give things up to God, but that is exactly what He wants us to do. He gave up His only Son, so that we don't have to carry our sin burden with us anymore. He paid that price for us. How amazing. 1 Timothy 1:16-17 says, "But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in Him for eternal life. To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever. Amen". He gives us mercy to display HIS goodness. He gives us mercy so that HE might be glorified. I am so thankful that there is nothing I can do to deserve His mercy. I am so thankful that He doesn't look at my life and determine if I am "good enough". I am so thankful that in His mercy and kindness HE saved me.