Contentment

Content. What is it mean to truly be content? I find myself in a place not many twenty-four year olds find themselves. I am a wife and the mother of two children. I married at 21, and delivered my first child at 22. Not exactly the typical American female. Most of the time, I love my life, but in my “life plan”, I certainly did not expect to be where I am at today. I never really wanted to get married. Well, I wanted to, but certainly not at a young age. I wanted to live my life. I wanted to do missions. I wanted to go off to some obscure place in Africa and work as a nurse helping others before I married and had children. And yet, here I find myself. I still finished nursing school, but instead of helping other people fight diseases, I help littler people eat, bath (hopefully without screaming from the little person), go potty, learn to say “please” and “thank you”, etc. And sometimes I find myself wishing I were in Africa. Not because I don’t love my children, I love them very much, but I find myself getting annoyed with the same routine every day. I find it hard to find joy and contentment in the mundane. Until recently. The Lord has been working on my heart in so many areas lately. I find that as my family grows, it becomes less and less possible for me to do certain things outside the home. At more than one point, I have become angry that I can’t “minister” to other people because I need to clean, or do laundry, or put a child to bed. I have been so blessed that I have a husband who is more than willing to allow me to go out if I want too, even if that means going to the grocery store at midnight. Together, we have been involved in ministries at our church, and we have loved it. With my husband leaving for so long, I see that it is necessary for me to take a step back from some things. And that frustrated me at first. It frustrated me because I am selfish, and I am prideful. I want to do the things that I want to do. I don’t want to be restricted. But I am. And I’ve come to a peace about it. I’ve coming to realize (and am still coming to realize) that my number one priority is my family. It’s not the people outside my family. It’s my husband, my daughter, and my son. And with my husband being gone, my daughter and my son will need me even more. My priority is raising those two little ones to be God-fearing adults. And that starts in the home. It doesn’t start with sending them to Sunday school, or Wednesday night church, or a Christian school. It starts with us. It starts with Dad and Mom. It means giving up what I want to do, so that I can nurture and cultivate relationships with them now. It means stepping back from other responsibilities, so that I can take care of the responsibilities in my home. And I’m ok with that. I’m excited about it. I’m excited to pour my life and energy into these two little ones. What a blessing it is, and what a daunting task it is to raise children to be like Christ. And I know I’m not perfect, I know I’ll make mistakes. But God has blessed me, and equipped me with His Word to teach me how to teach little ones. So amazing. But for those of you who read this, please pray for me. Please pray for me in the coming months. I have good days and I have bad days. Some days I rejoice, and some days I mourn. Most days lately, I mourn. But in my heart, I know that God has planned this for our good. And I am excited to see what He has in store for us in the coming months.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13