Tuesday, June 28, 2011
So, life as we knew it is back to normal .. Well, sort of. We are all so excited to be a family again. A family together, that is. My husband returned home last week after four and a half long months. I have been thinking this past week about those months a lot. It was so easy for me to just wish the days away, and hope and pray that the time would go by quickly. And now looking back, I wonder, "What did I learn through it? Did I learn anything? Will I change anything because of it?" And I've come to realize so many different things about myself. I've realized not only how much I took and do take my husband for granted, but I've also realized how I rely on him almost too much. And I'm not saying there is anything wrong with relying on a spouse, God designed marriage to allow us to rely on another human being in a way that we have never experienced, nor will experience again on this earth. But there is a danger in elevating that other human being to a level equal to, or higher than, God. In some ways, in many ways, I think I did that with my husband. So four months away from him really put things in perspective. As much as it hurt to be away from him, I find myself wondering lately if it hurts that much when I'm away from God for that long (i.e. when I chose not to be in regular fellowship with Him). Do I long for God the way I longed for my husband? Do I seek every opportunity to still talk to Him, even when life is absolutely crazy? And when I'm truly honest with myself, I see how I've elevated my husband (and to some extent, my children) to a level that is truly unfit for them. I've elevated them to a level that only one Being can fill, and that is God. So as difficult as these last four and a half months have been, I'm thankful. I'm so thankful that God has allowed us to experience this. He has shown me so many things about myself, that I don't think I would have seen otherwise. He has taught me that I don't always need to know the answers to my "why?" questions. He has taught me that He truly is a Father to those who don't have one (or to those whose father is absent for a time). And He has taught me that instead of relying on people, like I am so apt to do, I need to rely solely on Him.