I've been thinking so much about death lately, and I'm not really sure why. And maybe it's not death necessarily, but more like not wasting my life. I've been reminded of the verse in James that says, "What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes" (James 4:14). So, what is my life? What am I doing to further the kingdom of God? Honestly, too many times the answer to that question is "I don't know". I see myself getting frustrated at so many little things, like my phone won't work, or I can't find something that should be in it's normal spot (even though most likely, I'm the one who didn't put it away), and I wonder what does this have to do with eternity. When I get to the end of my life, am I going to look back and say, "I did my best to honor and glorify God in everything I did or said" or am I going to say, "I wish I had done more". I wonder if no matter what, I will wish I had done more for Christ.
This past weekend, my family and I went up north in Michigan. My grandparents own a farmhouse up there, and my grandpa's brother and his wife still live there. My great-uncle is not doing well physically, and has been on hospice for a little while. We brought my 2 month old son to visit him, and my dad said my great-uncle went on and on about how cute and how little my son is. The only reason I mention this is because I wonder what it is like for him. I wonder what it is like to know that you are at the end, and to see a little infant who is just beginning. I also wonder what people will say about me when I die. Will they say that I died a Godly woman, that I lived a Godly life? Or will they say anything at all? I want so much for my husband/kids/family to see Christ in me. So all this to say, I want to live my life purposefully. I don't want to just go about my day anymore. I want to glorify God in the mundane. In wiping noses, and changing diapers, and cleaning the bathroom. That can be glorifying to God. This is what God has called me to do. And I am so thankful that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.